I'm a writer; from beautiful lies to ugly truths. my laughter embodies my undying youth. putting potential to use; my actions are proof. i'd like to punch out the easter bunny's tooth.
...there, that was my haiku.
Welcome to Ay Dios Mio land (it's like an NC-17 Disneyland)...parental discretion advised.
I write comedy, philosophical fiction, "please baby, please take me back" letters to exes, occasional ransom notes, two death threats to former employers (pasted cut-out magazine letters) and one suicide note that I never finished because Sportscenter came on.
For fun I like to torture domesticated pets, deflower virgins and import nuclear warheads...all on the same night preferably. Ebay ain't got shit on the black market.
I like to listen to classical and bossa nova music. It makes me feel like I'm in a posh penthouse overlooking the city, while thinking "You all are beneath me" because, well...literally you would be.
I rarely get depressed, but when I do, I just pop in some porn and I know that everything is going to be A-OK.
During my down time, I like to shoplift at Barnes & Nizzobles. I believe in higher learning, just not @ higher prices. As a wise elf once told me, "..there are two things in this world that a man should never pay for...those being p***y and books."...words to live by. Eat your heart out Confucius.
I used to sniff rubber cement as a recreational drug for a quick high (that may explain the elf), but now I just turn the oven on while leaving it's door open and let the carbon monoxide do its thing. I pass out from time to time, but as long as I regain consciousness to do it all over again is all that matters. And since I don't pay the gas bill, it's a free high.
I'm not on this site to try and hump you..
As a child I loved watching G.I. Joe, and if there's anything that watching G.I. Joe has taught me, it's that 'fighting for peace' is an oxymoron worth living. Bring it b*tch.
I may be clinically bi-polar but I'm not going to pay to find out.
I am a grammar Nazi...but sometimes I feel like proper grammar is propaganda, so I say 'sh*t', 'f*ck', 'b*tch' & 'c*nt' to feel like a rebel.
I have OCD.
I have chinky eyes and I'm not high or smiling.
I taint sentimental moments w/perverse behavior because being mushy makes me feel gay.
I like to pretend that I'm gay (the irony) and befriend girls. There are all sorts of benefits to not appearing as a 'threat'. Of course they'll talk your ear off, but being allowed to watch them get dressed as they do it neutralizes the pain. And then I let them take the credit of turning me straight after one of those wild 'experimental' drunken nights; it does wonders for their ego. =)
If you'd like think that I do and believe all of the above, it's a crying shame that you believe me but don't believe in yourself. Shame on you.
If you'd like to pigeon-hole my personality due to what you've read above, feel free. I knew the ramifications of posting such asinine material as the complete stranger's guide to my first impression. So if I've chased away some profound, omniscient, potential new friend, I only have myself to blame. I guess I'll just catch you in the real (natural) world...at Barnes & Nobles...where people really don't talk to each other, so we probably wouldn't meet there either...just see each other and fake smile.
P.S. Life is all about vibrations, and if you're on a negative frequency, I'll just tune you out...unless you're hot...because hot girls don't need personalities, which is why many don't have one. That was a joke by the way. My mom is hot and...wait...not like that. What I meant to say was...I mean...aaaah! Curse you Sigmund Freud. The End.
