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The days they come and go,
Yet, I am standing strong
My nights are long and cold
But I must carry on
The eyes they glare at me
Its as plain as it could be
I am so all alone
Like you once said I’d be
At times I reach to thee
But your not here with me
Now I must carry on
This task I must achieve
This world I must confront
Cause on the ground I don’t belong
I should be soaring in the sky
Where all those dreams come alive
And the dance is here to stay
We both know I belong on broadway
Not off off in the streets
In the mist of bloody sheets
In some sleezy inn so far away
Tomorrow is a new day
A chance to make a concurrence
The sun will rise
Warm the earth, hence
The beginning of a new start
A day I want to be a part
Without regrets, with total respect
An a chance for love to show intellect
But tonight is the now
Even though not here to stay
These moments seem like forever
Who made it this way…
The cruel coldness of the lifeless moon
And here I was wishing for the tomorrow
Its way to soon…
It was a long a waited day at the beach
Even now, I still don’t remember the last time I was there
The last time I ran in the water as if I was a kid
Without a care in the world, into the cold water
Today I went to the beach and played in the sand
How my toes disappeared into the floor as I ran
Diving head first into the salty water
Let’s see who can hold their breath the longest
I win I win… today I went to the beach
Without a care in the world, for that moment
I was a kid again… splashing and laughing
Stand on my shoulders I jump into the deep blue waves
Running towards us… you scream
The sun beaming down on us, I love my golden
Make over compliments of Mother Nature
Spit, splash… water in my noise, wait... Give me a second
Today I went to the beach and truly enjoyed myself
What did you do today?
Today I felt betrayed by my own heart as I sat in that cell,
Out of all days, of all the times that I could ever need you…
You were not there, and my heart dared not think of you.
Today, I died several times yet nobody knows it but you.
I lay awake, its 30minutes past 1:00 am…
You are probably in bed right now happy in his arms as I speak.
I so want to run to the phone and call you, rolling the quarters in my pockets
With the intent to dial your number quietly enough not to alarm any of those around me
But fast enough to hear the dial tone turn into rings…
To tell you I am free… from all the worries and concerns of my past, and nothing but the promises of tomorrow beneath my feet.
To exhale with an exclamation of content for what I have just endured.
However, today I felt betrayed by my own dreams,
Out of all the things that have been said between you and me…
Why must I lie here alone, in this cold room, without the sweet sound of your voice to gently caress my thoughts and ease my fears?
Today I tried many times to push back those thoughts which would break me, tare me down, limb by limb. And I managed, I survived… up to a few moments ago, when I realized I would always be alone.
I see myself in a sea of tombstones, burials’ of love long gone. Among a mist of leaves dancing with the wind and a backdrop of oak trees from a far; flowers like weeds growing along all the pastures in sight giving very little visibility to what I stand before…
Now I find myself in a dark room; surrounded by nothing but myself, multiple copies of me looking at me with various views and opinions as well. Quiet… I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to dare think it, I’m down on bending knees with my hands to my face… and I just can’t kick it.
The thought…Today I felt betrayed by my very own wishes,
Out of all things that have filled my heart with happiness in the past,
This faint song echoes in the back of my mind, a humming of tear drops in an endless sea of promises.
What is this…?
To what lengths would one go for that which they believe to be love? How far would you walk to hold that one special person? How long are you willing to stay on the phone with that special person? What secrets are you willing to share to show that special one how important they are to you?
I never gave much thought to any of these questions until today… While standing at the airport; semi stranded, more embarrassed and confused than upset and hurt.
Seconds didn’t feel like some may call a minute but ran by me as if hours at end had taken its place. I looked silly, there with my bags, as I stood alone and dumbfounded. I looked lost and irritated, even though I knew exactly where I stood and where I came from. Twenty-five text messages and fifteen calls later, still no word, no response, appears no remorse… actually I began to believe perhaps it was karma getting back at me, going to take me back for all the wrong that I have done, while singing me a song for the sake of it all. With each text becoming longer, and each voice message, becoming non-existent, my imagination began to run away from me, and just like it sounds, that’s how it feels, how does it feel so far to you, just how it feels.
I just can’t explain all the things I was debating on, how they came back to me, with variations, while holding myself together, and trying to save the now. Moving mountains and distance with my imagination, hoping and wishing for a logical excuse, but getting bruised by my own thoughts mental combat ability. Who hired you to play this role, who are you helping drag me to a new low. I just can’t help but wonder how far this has gone, how disturbed my views and perceptions on reality really been pushed to its limits. A distortion of the ages, I’ve begun to question my reason for still sitting there, once again, I had hoped that I had become the victim of my own analytic tactical frame of mind and a mere electronical error had accrued showing glimpse of light at the end of this madness, something we both could laugh at as we laid next to one another later on that evening in her bedroom.
I feel cold, now waiting for the bus, decided to fly elsewhere without the resources to do so, but determined to escape this place. Then she calls, and the words she said were totally uncalled for; how dare you use me for a trip, to see someone else? How dare you take advantage of me? I’m so mad at you right now; I never want to talk to you again. Now at this point, I’m thinking this lady must think I’m a fool, if she thinks I will bite, bend my will of stone to rush to my knees and explain, that the words I shared thru the text told the story, even if I would have tried, she was no longer on the line.
A text seemed to be the best way to response since I was lacking the required depth in my vocals to advocate correctly, I deserve justice on the fact she obviously stepped over me, and walked thru me; there is no trip, no tickets to reach my destination. I am not mad at you, just disappointed and confused, still trying to figure out what I did to deserve such harsh treatment, but that was neither here nor there, God don’t like ugly, lose my number, and thank you for wasting my time. Something had to change; there was nothing I was saying wrong, just giving a true confession of a life lesson.
So back to the point, to what lengths would you go for change? If this venture I had was for love, I would more than likely be destruct, but a move for change can take this hit.
TO BE CONTINUED…