dude001's Blog

So I guess she had to finally give in to the idea that "sex sells." I've had the biggest crush on Shakira since she was all about pies descalzos lol. I used to like Shakira not just because she is (in my opinion) the hottest woman in the world, but because she also had talent. She wrote her own songs, could sing, and dance and was also involved with all these social issues. She didn't act all sleezy like all these other pop stars like Britney Spears and all of them. I mean she did kinda sell out once she dyed her hair blonde and crossed over...  But after seeing her newest video, "Loba" she surprised me. She looked like a total skank I'm not gonna lie. And I'm also not gonna lie-she looked damn good doing it lol. But what I'm trying to say is that she didn't have to do all that to sell records or to make a come back. Little girls who look up to her are going to get the wrong message and stuff. But I'm not mad at her, just a little disappointed. I'd still leave my wife for her...if I were married lol.

So I was out with my friend the other night. I chose to spend the night with her instead of my male friends and I guess that's supposed to automatically mean that I slept with her. The next day my friends kept asking me "Did you fuck her?" or "Did she put out?" Can't a guy just hang out with a girl without it ending up in sex. I've been told that a man and a woman can't be "just friends" without having sex sometime in their friendship or having one fall in love with the other. I guess I'm the exception then. I'm not even attracted to her in that way, but I don't know about how she feels about me though....But anyway, I wasn't trying to get all up in her pants so not all guys are dogs ok ladies. People think I'm weird because I'm not trying to get laid all the time I think. When people ask me what I did during the weekend and I say I went to the beach they ask if I fucked a girl and when I say no they act all disappointed.  I think they expect me to say I went to a club and took some random chick home and had sex with her. I'm not even old enough to get into most clubs or bars so what would I be doing there in the first place. But anyway, I need to get a life.

So anyway, I was at the club the other day and I noticed something. They might not admit it but girls like ass holes. So I decided to try this out. I went up to this one chick and was like, "Ey bitch. Come 'ere!" "Excuse me? What did u call me?" She said trying to sound all surprised and shit. "Did I studder hoe? I said come here and shake dat ass bitch!" I told her as I pointed in front of me. "Oh ok!" She said smiling and she came to me. "What yo name is gurl?" I asked as she danced all over me. "Stacy," she said. "I don't like it. From now on your name is going to be Guadalupe." I told her. "I don't really like it," she said. She asked me what my name was and I told her it was M-Money. She said it was a weird name. I told her to shut the hell up. When the song was over she tried to walk away and I was all like, "Bitch where da hell u think u goin'?" "I'm going to the ladies' room," she said. "Bitch u ain't no lady. You a damn ho. Now go and buy me a drank. Get me da most expensive thing they have there," I told her. "Uh, ok." She said and she went off to the bar. "Took you long enough," I said when she returned with my drank. It was some kind of champagne shit they sell in those fancy stores. She poured me a glass and I drank a little bit. I then spit it all out on her dress. "Bitch what da hell is this shit?" I yelled at her. "It's Crystal baby," she said trying to sound all friendly and shit. "Bitch what u think I am? 21? I ain't trying to pay for no cab! I want some Pepsi-with a cherry in it! And with one of those little sword things in it. Take this shit back." I said as I threw the glass at her. "I'm sorry babe," she said. "I'll be right back," she said as she left with the bottle of liquid shit. She came back with a glass of ice and a bottle of Pepsi. I took the glass from her and threw the ice at her. "Bitch did I ask for ice?!" I yelled at her. "I'm sorry babe, I just thought that-" she said before I cut her off. "You thought nothing cuz u don't think," I told her. "You know what I'm leaving this place. Thanks for ruining my night! You better call me tomorrow ho!" "Alright then baby," she said. "Oh I almost forgot," I told her as I went back to her. "A good night kiss," she said as she closed her eyes and leaned foward. "Hell naw ho. I need you to give me 30 bucks. I gotta go see this one bitch who lives accross town and I need gas money." "Oh ok," She said as she handed me the money. "Call me tomorrow?" "Bitch u crazy," I said as I walked away with my money and my drank. Note: In case ur not good with sarcasm, this never happened...

You are the cherry on my sundae,

The short line at the checkout lane at the grocery store,

The extra 11th chicken nugget in my order of 10 piece McNuggets,

The extra hour of sleep during daylight saving time,

The snap, crackle, AND pop in my Rice Krispies,

The extra penny you find on the floor when your total comes out to $5.01 and you only have a 20 and a 5 and you don't wanna break a 20 and get back 99 cents in change because the cashier is being an asshole and you're purposely looking around for a penny or any kind of change so the cashier can just be like "don't worry about it" and the line is long and people are getting pissed yet no one offers you a damn penny!,

The smell of Febreeze that covers up the smell of vomit in my car that won't go away because people don't have the common sense to stick their damn head out of the window or stick their head in a bag when they are about to throw up in someone else's car because they can't hold their damn liquor and then act like they can't clean it up the next day!,

The free samples at the grocery store on Sunday mornings,

The free incoming minutes on my phone because if they weren't there I would have sooo many minutes wasted from these damn telemarketers that call me at freakin' 6 in the morning to sell me some shit that I don't even need!,

The snooze button on my alarm clock,

The apple of my pie (because my eyes don't have apples duh!)

      So my sister calls me the other day and asks if I was doing ok, which is strange since she never really calls me (Come to think of it no one ever really calls me. I'm always the one that calls first. But that's another story.)  She wanted to know if I was ok. Turns out that she had a dream the night before in where I was electrocuted to death. She told me she woke up crying from it because if felt so real. I was kind of surprised at this. I didn't know that my sister was worried about me that much. 

     Then a couple of days ago I found out that my younger brother carries my Marine picture of me in his wallet.  I didn't even know he had a picture of me! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't know that me and my siblings cared much about each other like that because we have a weird way of caring for each other. For example, instead of saying just a "hello" or "what's up?" I'll tell my brother "Ey dumbass whatchu doin'?" and he'll respond "Nothin' u piece of shit." And the way my younger brother will talk with my older sister is something like, he'll say, "Ey, bitch how u doin'" and she'll say, "Nothin' u fuckin' dummy." To strangers it might seem wierd but that's just how we get along.  Sometimes I'll even text my younger brother "Bitch!" and he'll respond "Dumb ho!" which is just our way of saying hello.  I guess some communication is better than no communication at all right? I know of some people whose relationships with their siblings is like they don't even know each other. 

Wow, this entry didn't even make much sense. I don't even think I said what I'm trying to say.

    So a lot of people keep asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend or when I'm going to go out and get laid. I don't know. They make it seem like it's a bad thing or something that I'm not trying to get with every girl I see. I've been single for a while now and at first it bothered me but I'm not that old and I've got the rest of my life ahead of me so I don't see why I need to go out and find a girlfriend just because people say I need one. Don't get me wrong I'd like to have one but I'm not going to go out specically looking for one. If I happen to find a girl I'm interested in then I guess it'll happen. I'm not the type of guy who tries to hook up with every fine girl out there. As a matter of fact, I know it might sound weird but I don't think I could ever seriously date a "fine azz" girl. (By most guys' standards this would mean a girl with a nice body, meaning big ass and titties and a pretty face. Sorry for my choice of words, I feel so perverted now...) But anyway, I would much rather date a girl that I had stuff in common with and would seriously like me. But I'm not going to lie. There has to be at least some physical attraction. She has to at least make an effort to make herself look pretty but I'm not asking for no model though.

     I don't want to get too involved right now either. I mean being in the military means that I probably won't be home a lot of the time and that wouldn't be fair to her (also I don't think too many girls would be faithful if I were to deploy). Gawsh, I should stop writing about my love life...or lack thereof. It only makes me realize what big of a loser I really am!