My Not So Personal Blog

I taught Shakespeare everything he knows!

Nice Guys Finish Last Sooooo.....


So anyway, I was at the club the other day and I noticed something. They might not admit it but girls like %#&@$! holes. So I decided to try this out.

I went up to this one chick and was like, "Ey %#&@$!. Come 'ere!" "Excuse me? What did u call me?" She said trying to sound all surprised and %#&@$!.
"Did I studder hoe? I said come here and shake dat %#&@$! %#&@$!!" I told her as I pointed in front of me.
"Oh ok!" She said smiling and she came to me.
"What yo name is gurl?" I asked as she danced all over me.
"Stacy," she said.
"I don't like it. From now on your name is going to be Guadalupe." I told her.
"I don't really like it," she said.
She asked me what my name was and I told her it was M-Money. She said it was a weird name. I told her to shut the hell up.
When the song was over she tried to walk away and I was all like, "Bitch where da hell u think u goin'?"
"I'm going to the ladies' room," she said.
"Bitch u ain't no lady. You a damn ho. Now go and buy me a drank. Get me da most expensive thing they have there," I told her.
"Uh, ok." She said and she went off to the bar.
"Took you long enough," I said when she returned with my drank. It was some kind of champagne %#&@$! they sell in those fancy stores. She poured me a glass and I drank a little bit. I then spit it all out on her dress.
"Bitch what da hell is this %#&@$!?" I yelled at her.
"It's Crystal baby," she said trying to sound all friendly and %#&@$!.
"Bitch what u think I am? 21? I ain't trying to pay for no cab! I want some Pepsi-with a cherry in it! And with one of those little sword things in it. Take this %#&@$! back." I said as I threw the glass at her.
"I'm sorry babe," she said. "I'll be right back," she said as she left with the bottle of liquid %#&@$!.
She came back with a glass of ice and a bottle of Pepsi. I took the glass from her and threw the ice at her.
"Bitch did I ask for ice?!" I yelled at her.
"I'm sorry babe, I just thought that-" she said before I cut her off.
"You thought nothing cuz u don't think," I told her. "You know what I'm leaving this place. Thanks for ruining my night! You better call me tomorrow ho!"
"Alright then baby," she said.
"Oh I almost forgot," I told her as I went back to her.
"A good night kiss," she said as she closed her eyes and leaned foward.
"Hell naw ho. I need you to give me 30 bucks. I gotta go see this one %#&@$! who lives accross town and I need gas money."
"Oh ok," She said as she handed me the money. "Call me tomorrow?"
"Bitch u crazy," I said as I walked away with my money and my drank.

Note: In case ur not good with sarcasm, this never happened...

about me

  • Location: Chicago, IL
  • Age: 30
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